Seriously...In real life

I dont even know or want to say anything about this clip. Though, I laughed my ass off. Somewhere in the D T-Baby was serious about this song. RIP to all the homies she named. :)

Spicy Behavior...

Had a pretty interesting weekend to say the least. Friday was a complete bust. I ended up just coming home & reading the next chapter in "The Purpose Driven Life". Interesting book that one is.

I admit, I have been feeling a little lost these days.

Saturday, I woke up & ate some cereal. (Boring) Went right back to sleep. Woke up & made myself look like something & went to work. I hadn't been there in quite some time. Work was uneventful. I made $0.00 on a Saturday. That's just bad for business. Syleena & I went to Lot & were bored to pieces. Decided to go to The Place. It was over-crowded as usual. We finagled our way through the VIP & managed to run into one of the local DJ's for the radio station & he got us in free. Thanks Dolo. I wouldn't pay $20.00 for that.

So, at Lot on the way out I bumped into this amazing looking guy that I once spoke to on a separate occasion. We speak mostly, but he's in a situation if you catch my drift. I also ran into him at The Place. This time, I decided to go work my flirt. I was getting ready to go and he asked for my number. I obliged to add him to the list of people who I already don't call or engage.

Needless to say, he hit me up. He came over & we engaged in some Spicy Behavior. It's been a minute since I have actually been attracted to someone with such force. I mean I was like a magnet on his fridge if you know what I mean people. After I gave in to pleasure of the flesh he went in my fridge & cut up my watermelon for me that Ive been meaning to eat. Yum! He eluded to coming back to my place in weekends to come. Did I mention that this is some one's man? Awful. Makes me give up on the fact that if I EVER decide to tie the knot that a man could actually be true.

He kept asking how often I participate in such activities. Not that it was any of his business but I don't. When I am feeling particularly lioness- like...he was pretty much a victim of circumstance. I am choosy though. It cant just be anyone. I have to admit I have had mind fantasies about this one. Did he live up to those? Partly. He's does a few good things that had me crawling trying to get away...LOL.

The night ended with a "Come here babe...(insert very sensual kiss) (kiss like he belonged to me kiss)" & *Poof* he was gone all over again. Like it was just my twisted imagination messing with me again.

I am going to Memphis this weekend. I cant wait. I am driving down on Thursday after work. I was talking to my Mom about it. She is always happy to have me. Although, I don't have a bed anymore. My room has become her personal dressing closet. It's still nice to be in my old room, sleeping in & not having to worry about ANYTHING. It's also Ton's birthday so Ill be attending that Saturday. BUT Friday...I am going to meet a friend for lunch & I am also going to see my Granny. I haven't seen her in so long that I should be ashamed. Friday night though I am going to lay in the den & watch movies until I pass out. Also, spend some time curling up in my Mom's lap like the big baby I am.

Rox got sick on Tuesday last week. I almost lost it. I had to take her to the Emergency Vet. Apparently she had a bacteria infection. They gave her a shot & some pills. She is back to herself now. Anytime Roxy doesn't eat a treat. Something is terribly wrong. Poor thing couldn't control her body functions. I missed work. Needless to say...they were pissed. I didn't give a Rat's ass though. Roxy is my child. I wasn't going to let my dog die for $60.00. Not a chance in hell. It wasn't like I was lounging or something. I was at the Vet until 8:30 & it also cost me $200.oo buckaroos for that visit too. Just like a real child...lol

That's a small update. I did get laid though. So, overall I cant complain...haha. We will see though. As wrong as this is, I feel like that one has a lot of pinned up desire & so do I. I think we will be taking it out on each other...Often.

Kids in LA Who Probably Went to Private School

Give Me the Gold...classic

Im probably going to hell for this BUT

in my defense...I think Eli Porter is normal. "Im the best mayne, I did it!" If you havent seen this gem before...Enjoy! I saw this on a blog I frequent.

Fresh...

Yesterday...I cut the perm that was left in my hair. It wasnt much. I have been growing my hair out. I wanted to start new. So, of course its short. I felt really weird about it at first. I woke up this morning & I'm like, wow. You can see my face. I can see my face. There is nothing for me to hide behind. I am all natural. I miss touching my scalp. I did have to buy bandaids to hide my neck piercing for work. It's not like a nose ring or anything. It's a major statement.

Maybe it will be easier to read me.

I told Big to just leave me alone. I meant it this time. He's so useless. He takes up space in my life in more ways than one. I don't want him in that orifice of my heart. He should just keep out.

I told my girl the other day that I was starting into the brink of loneliness. Funny part is I'm just waiting for someone to knock me off my feet. To sweep me. I haven't felt like that in a really long time. I believe that is what I miss the most: Intimacy.

I have still been taking my Vitamins & Supplements. My skin, hair, & nails are reaping the benefits of that. I made it through my first week of no meat. My test is always the weekend. I went to Brunch Sunday with S. I opened up this container on the table & there it was...Bacon. I love Bacon more than Chicken...LOL. I closed it so fast. If I stared at it too long I would for sure pick some up.

I haven't worked out in a few days but I am going today. So, the girl I entertained briefly told me that I "Suck at Life"...LOL. I'm like, Ok, I deserve that I guess.

Girl: "So, I guess you didn't like me, huh?"

Me: "Yeah, you're nice. I just have a hard time with my follow through. I told you that, but you CAN call me." (In retrospect that does sound pretty shitty)

Girl: "Boooo...you suck at life."

Me: "Yeah, I guess I deserve that."

Girl: "Yeah, you do."

Me: "Ok, babe."

The End.

Now, a "normal" person would have apologized or tried to explain, or rather lie, & make up an excuse. Me I was content with adding another person to the "Resent Me" list. She will be ok. She's young. She shall move forward.

I do feel that sometimes I don't let people like me. It will just take someone very STRONG to claim me. Some one out there wont let me cower and run away. In the mean time I continue to sleep alone.

I'm going to Memphis next weekend. I am happy about that. I get to go home & lay in my Mother's lap. Yes, I still do that. It's just something about her love that makes me feel whole. Probably because it's the only case of unconditional love that I know. I always wonder could I love another person like that. That deep. That meaningful.

I am going to see J when I'm there. I have to satisfy my curiosity question. He thinks that he loves me. I think that there is no way that he could. We barely even talked to each other in High School. As a matter of fact I dated his Ace...lol. I also have to see my best friends baby. My Mother keeps her so I don't have to make an appointment for that.

Well, peeps, just wanted to update you on what Ive been busy doing. I will post a pic of my hair tonight. I feel so strong. I am a woman.

Last Night

Yesterday: I went shopping for some things from the Whole Foods Store & my neighborhood Publix. I pretty much have a green refrigerator now. Nothing but fresh fruits & vegetables & only Vegetarian Eggs & Soy milk. I am trying to limit my dairy. I also bought Veggie Burgers & Veggie Hot dogs. Ill let you know how those taste.

So far Ive noticed by eating as many of these foods, mostly raw except at dinner. I am alot more full & I have a lot more energy. I have healthy skin & nails as well. I haven't yawned once today. I also picked up some supplements. If I am going to go at living a vegetarian lifestyle I have to make sure that I get the nutrients that meat supplies. I got some Flax seed Meal, Vitamin C, Multivitamins, & I also take Vitamin D, & Vitamin E, & Acidophilus.

I work out 5 days a week for about an hour. It started at thirty minutes but I found that as soon as I changed my diet it was alot easier to keep going once I got started. I'm excited about the change. I am also in the process of setting up an appointment for Colon Hydrotherapy. Just to cleanse out the body. My diet is extremely high in fiber & I just want everything to be moving along smoothly.

I was reading my old journal yesterday night & I realized that I really miss V. I mean, I was so open with him. I had this playful spirit. It was fresh, young, & new everyday. He made me radiate. It was something about learning something new about him everyday that made life worth living. I was just getting out of that wretchid relationship with the Jamaican Boy. I was hurt or better yet wounded. I miss V. I wish I could just smell his neck sometimes. I get so nostalgic.

I talked to J yesterday. He pissed me off. That's hard. I just don't think he & I are compatible. He tells me I will learn to love him. I think not. Love is not something you learn to have for someone. It's either a possibility or its not. My astrologer told me that I live to be in love. Isn't that a bitch? She seems to think that my purpose on earth is to find someone, mate, & have hella kids. I'm like WOW. I do see myself as a nurturer though. Im devoid of expressing my own emotions but people always cry on my shoulder for some reason. It makes me feel extremely awkward. I live for love...that explains alot. I kind of fell off with the girl too. I cant remember to engage with her. I tend to live in my own world until my phone rings....so sad. She likes me.

I get sad sometimes. VERY sad. I would like someone on the other side of my bed with Roxy in the middle. I crave that so much because I miss it. Its one thing that cannot be forced though. You either have it or you don't in my book. I haven't met anyone that I couldn't stand to be without in a long time. Starting to feel like I never will.

I have to push on with the day of course & just keep cultivating myself & enlightening my body & soul. I have started within & maybe one day someone will see that light that shines so radiantly in me too.

Bye.

Gold & Chocolate...

What's up people? Well, I realized that my place of employment is against me taking personal time to write i my blog. I noticed that I no longer can get on blogspot. Bullshit! It keeps me sane sometimes.

I noticed that I have some new visitors. Welcome! I know its slow but I am perfecting my writing craft none the less. Big called me yesterday. I had a chick over that I was entertaining but you all should know that since I'm single I do what I want. AND besides...I had to hear what Big had to say about his no call no show the other night.

Big: "Before I get started let me start by saying I'm soo sorry." (Random story...sounds the same)

Love: "Well, Thanks for calling to apologize."

Big: "Are you mad?"

Love: "You cant be mad when you already expect the worse from people" "It's business as usual babe."

Maybe, I shouldn't be so nonchalant, but I cant help it. My vulnerability as always been an issue. I hung out with "HER" & it was cool. It's different for me when I hang around girls because I'm the guy in the situation. I'm not touchy feely & I generally do just want to talk.

I think that my libido is GONE. That's scary. I have absolutely no sexual wants right now. I guess that's good.

Well, I start my healthy lifestyle diet officially tomorrow. Going to my local Publix & Whole Foods. All fruits, all veggies. Everyday. Of course nuts & legumes are included. I worked out super hard today too. So, the Benedryl is setting in now.

Oh, yeah...Did I mention that I am going au natural soon. No more sew in for awhile. Gotta go. Thanks black girl for coming by. I read you everyday! :)

The B-Word

Man...Karma is a Biotch.

So this weekend people...I lost 1 person I consider a friend & about 5 associates that would go out of their way to say "hi" to me in a crowded bar. I cant help but be a tad disappointed at the way things turned out. Ive told the story about this so many times that I cant even say it anymore.

Lets just say that it involved a simple assault & lying ass bar owners. Ive just decided that there is nothing in the "streets" for me. I hate to just go jumping to "I'm not going out anymore" BUT its waaay too much shadiness happening in the streets of Nashville. I need to stay at home for awhile. Let me just say that.

I'm 25. I feel 25. I make 25 year old decisions. I have 25 year + friends. I have to act as such. It's expected.

Ive sort of took a personal hiatus from men. I just don't feel like it right now. There is no level of maturity. I think I have the right mind state but I just don't think these year 2008 men are ready for me. I don't even want to hear any back lash from any men about this either In my opinion it would be a bunch of open ended shit talk anyway.

I'm going to be dealing with my dual side on that note. I'm Bi. Not sure how many of you readers know that, but I am. So, no men for the time being. Lets hop to the other side for a second.

So, Kase & I started our little challenge yesterday. I worked out for the first time in ages. I started sloooooow. I worked out for 30 min yesterday night. It felt good. It put me to SLEEP. I have been having some insomnia problems. Mainly, caused by my brain moving at rapid paces when my eyes are closed. Its hard for me to just settle sometimes.

Time on my hands. A lot of time on my hands.

Just wanted to update a little. I'm going to get back to work. I also have to be at #2 today. I do want to say that I am alive more than ever. I am more alert & I am taking peoples commitments to me very seriously. I'm just not dealing with CRAP! Not from men & not from women in my life either.

I am loyal & honest. I expect the same.

Im Cool

I have finally got a little settled to where it feels like home. I miss it being like that. I had my boy Rafi come by & put a little extra security in for me. Not that I didn't feel safe but anyone will tell you I'm overly protective because I live alone. The thing is that I am surrounded in this neighborhood by people who will come in one second if I need them. I love being around familiarity.

Work has been less pressing every since I started going to bed early. I kid you not people, I can hardly stay up until 12. I'm usually nodding by eleven o'clock. I started a new book. Inspired by my Kase of course. I havent had time to research books so I kind of stole hers. It is a four part book series by the author Stephenie Meyer. Right now its seeming pretty interesting.

I plan to set my house up according to my Feng Shui. A lot of things were seemingly out of order in my life. Now that I have moved I have set some of my negative Chi free. Don't get me wrong though, I left my other home in peace. I love K to death. I'm sure she knows that but in order for me to grow I have to have a certain amount of space. You know that saying about Goldfish: If you keep them in a small tank they will forever remain small. You give them a bigger tank; ie more room to grow and they get bigger. I am like that. I have more room to breathe. I will miss talking to K late at night or while we are pretty lushed up...haha

My balcony people is one to envy. Everyone knows I love my outside space. I cant live without it. Roxy is adjusting well. She seems to know that it's our stuff. She's just not quite sure where we are. So, I also lucked up on a free Internet connection...haha. We will see how long that lasts but for right now I don't have to enlist the services of Comcast & that always makes me happy. I bought more movies & I'm working to getting my fridge back on solo status. You already know I have my liquor game up. Thanks to Bong, Jen-Bunni, & Phil I have a very industrial size of one of my favorite vodkas. The "Paul Bunyan" bottle as my boy O calls it.

Big called me. I fell back in but not whole hearted. I miss him sometimes but it's always bittersweet. I have a few little tenderoni's on that side of town. It felt weird the other day though. My boy Adam was in town & he asked me to come into town. I didn't go. Making that drive is just not enticing. This is also why I had more money to spend in Publix when I lived in B-wood. I never went into town. I had a private bar that was members only in my own house...lol

I will be making another pilgrimage to Memphis at the beginning of August. I am actually going to plan for it as well. I will be taking a Friday & Monday off. I am also planning a trip to ATL the week after the Memphis trip & doing the same thing. I have some people who I need to go venture to see. That will be the wrap up of this so-called summer. Where have the days gone?

Cache has also given me a little more free time. I work 14 hour days sometimes people. Forreal. Now, I just get to go & spend a little time in the place that feels so right to me...Home.

Love you guys. Just had to update because I cant get to the phone as often as I would like to. Miss you Mia & Gise. We are all going to have to get together. Just the three of us like old times. Gise, still plan that cruise & let me know ASAP so I can start tucking away & popcorn pimping...haha

Peace.