Always in the Middle but I Was Born Last

So, I am going through my usual. Dog woke me up an hour earlier than planned. I can sense when my dog is sick. I just read her all too well. She gets weird. I don't know if you guys have animals but when they are sick they don't want you to see them. They try to hide. Well, I don't let her hide. So, I was basically up with her & missed a vital hour of sleep that cut me to three hours total last night. One.

Then my allergies (I was outside too long yesterday) started in. I have got to get a hold of some Benedryl today & a nap. I got to work & there's endless things that I have to do. No Biggie. One issue: I cant go fast. My brain is not functioning. It's just not. Two.

Them: This is urgent.

Me: I know.

Them: Hurry up.

Me: (insert cheesy smile)

I think I want to move back to Memphis but every time I think about it, I cant help but think I'm digressing. It could be me just having a reactionary to a lot of things about to happen in my life. (A) turning 25. I'm totally not scared of it but its happening. I feel a serious nervous breakdown coming on. (B) The Pursuit of Happyness. Whatever that is to me. I'm still trying to figure that out. (C) Where I fit in the scheme of big business. I'm not sure if I do.

I saw Big last night & realized I have a serious eye contact problem. I don't. I don't want to look into people's souls all the time. Its a gift I realized that I had a long time ago. I look at you & I 'see' you. Scary what I see sometimes.

I did speak.

My heart did flutter.

I ignored the feeling.

Back to self.

I met a guy. Don't remember his name. (As usual) We had a really nice conversation about all the things that guys never ask me or care to know. I think he was intrigued to say the least.

Mohawk: Whats your favorite movie?

Me: She's Gotta Have It. Spike Lee.

Mohawk: (walks off & mutters something inaudible)

Me: What? (smiling)

He was just different. It's something about me that keeps attracting these free spirits. People who live their lives to full extent everyday. People who keep telling me just to jump ship & to not be afraid. He does music. He wants to go to the park with me.

Mohawk: You seem like one of those people that I can hang out with & have no idea where we would end up or never know what to talk about but talks about everything.

Me: Yeah, that's me. Pretty random. That's what scares people about me.

Mohawk: That's what I like.

He hasn't exactly called me but I do have a feeling that he will. He was trying to figure my free time since I technically work at three places right now. We will see. Whats his name?

So, every time I say I'm leaving I stay & every time I stay I feel more trapped. I have got to free myself. My sunshine is blocked right now. That has always been an issue for me. If everything in my life is not in line for happiness, I lose it. This is just not where I'm supposed to be. Some people cope. Some people settle.

I never was quite like anyone else.