I thought it was Saturday...

It's not. It's cool though.

I saw Freckles yesterday. Oh my God. I longed to smell his sweet neck. I got pretty close but you know me. Super nonchalant. I hit him with the "I thought about you the other day." Translation: I just wrote a blog about lusting after you. I miss him. He looked good. Wonder what he thought about me? (sigh) He got booted from the Sim card too...long ago...

Some things are pretty painful for me today. Ive been reading a lot of interesting blogs. I click and click away until I land on something sweet. A lot of people have been having these awakenings to life. It's nice to see people living their dreams.

Ive been trying to give this guy a chance. I do try. I hate to be shitty but I dated the "artist" before. Cant say that I wasn't intrigued. I believe in living your dreams, but the struggling artist thing is kind of played to me. Ive done it before. Maybe I am shitty, a tab bit dreamy, materialistic, chauvinistic (if possible), believe in traditional roles between men & women. Am I so bad for that?

I cant get into it too deep. I don't want to hurt the innocent. For the record: I am still trying. Even though, I do believe that there should not be trying in courting. Kind of what happened to Big. We were trying. There was obviously just intense attraction in the pheromones we were giving off to each other.

This is a holiday weekend. I don't have any exciting thing to do. Which pretty much sucks. I did get invited by Mohawk to a surprise party. I'm not sure If I want to go though. I usually go to those parties & it's just odd for me. I guess I enjoy the alcohol more than the people. That doesn't usually go over too well. They wanna chat about what I do for a living and I'm trying to find the limes or see if I bought my flask to fill up because I am about to exit stage left...haha. So sad BUT true.

I miss my friends in Memphis. Usually I would jump on the road but the gas would eat up my drinking money. Layla is closing this weekend. My fav babe Jen Bunni has a table. I told her I would slide through on account of her because really I was done with Layla's fuckery.

I can add another person to the bite the dust list of friends. That makes two people that were once relevant that hate me now. I didn't do anything though. I didn't pick a side or anything. Pretty much dislike by association I guess. I mean it's my roomie. I don't have to pick her side. I live in her side. Oh well. Another one bites the dust. I did get two wonderful friends out of the deal though. Wouldn't trade either of them for the world. Love you T & K.

So, my boss comes up to me today and goes..."You were dreading coming in today, huh?" (Laughing) (She's hella cool) Can everyone tell that I thought it was Saturday? It's a total buzzkill when you realize it's not. I told her, "Man, I thought today was Saturday." She basically told me I looked like I was kicking rocks on the way in...LOL. I was. Invisible ones.

I have to go apartment hunting tomorrow which is going to suck something awful. It's a must though. I'm shooting for July & will probably have to get rid of more stuff again to make room for the new. My Mommy is giving me some funds to secure everything I need. I love her. She's so self-less. I always wonder, will I ever love another human being more than me? That's so bad. ( 2 Hail Mary's for that one) I do though. That real, real unconditional? I wonder.

I once told someone the only reason I would want to have kids is for vanity reasons (which is a sin) Just to see what they would look like. I would imagine it would be a spawn. My family has super genes. I want to have a Leo baby. I hope I don't create a Gemini one. So sad. I don't plan on spanking my kids. (I know black people. Sue me.) I just don't have the energy for that. Enough on that. That wont be happening for awhile.

I talked to Yo yesterday. That was like my first skating rink love. I was trying to figure out who he was in my phone. Sometimes when I drink...people's numbers that I delete wind up back in my phone. Damn Sim Card & touch screen phone! We talked about old times. (seems to be the way people would rather remember me...lol) (I was nice & a lot more open) He has a baby. As do all my old guy friends. We said we'd keep in touch. I let him know I'm not even trying to side step his girlfriend & that I just like to make sure my peeps are still alive. He probably thinks I'm crazy...

Well, hopefully I don't get too crazy tonight.

Alone.

Wondering to myself why everyone that used to know me wonders why I'm not married right now.

Then I start to wonder & I realize that I'm a crazy, "likes to have too much fun", cant tell you where she'll be living in a year, stays moving, talks about going to space, smokes too many cloves, thinks Roxy was a rocket-scientist in her former life, loves kids but doesn't really want one, wants a vodka fountain at her wedding, hates R&B, is going to vote for Obama just because he's black, drinks coffee just because of the side effects, hangs out in Whole Foods trying samples all day, loves writing poetry that would make Giovanni cry from disgust, wants to write but doesn't make time, studies one thing & then goes to another, loves Benedryl with my wine, fucked up Space Cadet.

Now, if that's your idea of fun. Holla at cha girl girl.

That's me.