Gold & Chocolate...

What's up people? Well, I realized that my place of employment is against me taking personal time to write i my blog. I noticed that I no longer can get on blogspot. Bullshit! It keeps me sane sometimes.

I noticed that I have some new visitors. Welcome! I know its slow but I am perfecting my writing craft none the less. Big called me yesterday. I had a chick over that I was entertaining but you all should know that since I'm single I do what I want. AND besides...I had to hear what Big had to say about his no call no show the other night.

Big: "Before I get started let me start by saying I'm soo sorry." (Random story...sounds the same)

Love: "Well, Thanks for calling to apologize."

Big: "Are you mad?"

Love: "You cant be mad when you already expect the worse from people" "It's business as usual babe."

Maybe, I shouldn't be so nonchalant, but I cant help it. My vulnerability as always been an issue. I hung out with "HER" & it was cool. It's different for me when I hang around girls because I'm the guy in the situation. I'm not touchy feely & I generally do just want to talk.

I think that my libido is GONE. That's scary. I have absolutely no sexual wants right now. I guess that's good.

Well, I start my healthy lifestyle diet officially tomorrow. Going to my local Publix & Whole Foods. All fruits, all veggies. Everyday. Of course nuts & legumes are included. I worked out super hard today too. So, the Benedryl is setting in now.

Oh, yeah...Did I mention that I am going au natural soon. No more sew in for awhile. Gotta go. Thanks black girl for coming by. I read you everyday! :)

Sim Card Love

Work: 2nd Job: Boredom. I played Solitaire & Bubble Breaker on my phone the entire time. I walked around and pretended to do stuff too...for about five minutes. :)

OK, so I went out for a bit last night. I went to Mafi's with Mohawk. It was pretty fun. I laughed a lot drank beers & had some pizza. Our conversation was a little off the wall about everything & nothing at the same time. People are always amazed by the things that come out of my mouth sometimes. A lot of stuff has happened to me within the course of my young life. Some things I repress. Some things I share.

I told him about when I was younger.

The sexual-ness that I exuded.

Although, not purposely. I was Lolita. Except no boys/men were present.

Cant get into that. Kind of a delicate subject for the parties involved.

I'm gonna get 800009837535975 texts about those statements.

Maybe I'm too honest.

Mohawk: Man, they're smoking. (annoyed look)

Me: I smoke. (sorry but I cant help it look)

Mohawk: You do?

Me: Yeeeah.

It's never a deal breaker when you're cute. They always want to help you quit..haha

He's an Aquarius. Just one of my cosmic matches. (Aquemini.) You guys know that famous duo.

Ive been at work actually working today. I did set some personal goals for myself. I will probably catch up a little later. I am just ready to go home & jump into my bed.

He wants me to come by the studio. I'm not sure if I feel like it.

I erased Big's number. I have these urges to call him and I really cant. He's even off the sim card. :O Yeah, he is. I do want to bump into him again. I like to feel my heart beating.

It lets me know I'm alive.

What are my deal breakers? Ill be back with that soon. Along with some confessions. Juicy...

Always in the Middle but I Was Born Last

So, I am going through my usual. Dog woke me up an hour earlier than planned. I can sense when my dog is sick. I just read her all too well. She gets weird. I don't know if you guys have animals but when they are sick they don't want you to see them. They try to hide. Well, I don't let her hide. So, I was basically up with her & missed a vital hour of sleep that cut me to three hours total last night. One.

Then my allergies (I was outside too long yesterday) started in. I have got to get a hold of some Benedryl today & a nap. I got to work & there's endless things that I have to do. No Biggie. One issue: I cant go fast. My brain is not functioning. It's just not. Two.

Them: This is urgent.

Me: I know.

Them: Hurry up.

Me: (insert cheesy smile)

I think I want to move back to Memphis but every time I think about it, I cant help but think I'm digressing. It could be me just having a reactionary to a lot of things about to happen in my life. (A) turning 25. I'm totally not scared of it but its happening. I feel a serious nervous breakdown coming on. (B) The Pursuit of Happyness. Whatever that is to me. I'm still trying to figure that out. (C) Where I fit in the scheme of big business. I'm not sure if I do.

I saw Big last night & realized I have a serious eye contact problem. I don't. I don't want to look into people's souls all the time. Its a gift I realized that I had a long time ago. I look at you & I 'see' you. Scary what I see sometimes.

I did speak.

My heart did flutter.

I ignored the feeling.

Back to self.

I met a guy. Don't remember his name. (As usual) We had a really nice conversation about all the things that guys never ask me or care to know. I think he was intrigued to say the least.

Mohawk: Whats your favorite movie?

Me: She's Gotta Have It. Spike Lee.

Mohawk: (walks off & mutters something inaudible)

Me: What? (smiling)

He was just different. It's something about me that keeps attracting these free spirits. People who live their lives to full extent everyday. People who keep telling me just to jump ship & to not be afraid. He does music. He wants to go to the park with me.

Mohawk: You seem like one of those people that I can hang out with & have no idea where we would end up or never know what to talk about but talks about everything.

Me: Yeah, that's me. Pretty random. That's what scares people about me.

Mohawk: That's what I like.

He hasn't exactly called me but I do have a feeling that he will. He was trying to figure my free time since I technically work at three places right now. We will see. Whats his name?

So, every time I say I'm leaving I stay & every time I stay I feel more trapped. I have got to free myself. My sunshine is blocked right now. That has always been an issue for me. If everything in my life is not in line for happiness, I lose it. This is just not where I'm supposed to be. Some people cope. Some people settle.

I never was quite like anyone else.