The Red Balloon

This morning. I turned the radio off in the car -Moment of clarity- Seriously. It opened up some stuff for me. Here lately I haven't even been keeping up with the ghost of pretending to like someone when I don't. Which leaves me with zero people to keep up with & even more time to ponder.

The moment the radio went off. I started thinking about one guy. One I never even ever really gave a proper shot to. I started thinking about the night that we were together (not like that...get your minds out of the gutter) & how much fun I had. I had a good time. I felt even better when I noticed how sexy he was. This guy is an amazing catch. He has a "career", he's focused, doesn't drink near as much as me, like to have fun, likes that I "like to have fun", doesn't think I'm crazy, thinks I'm sexy, & mainly he's stable. He just bought a house, he has all his teeth & doesn't have any kids. Why would I let someone else have a go at him? So, I started it. I started to think how I used to chase nothing ass people & how fun it would be to actually chase (or not have to chase because he likes me too) someone who is about something. I sent out a nibbler & I got a surprising question back.

Would I be willing to move?

Now everyone should know by now that moving is in my blood line. I have absolutely no issue with relocating for the right person. None at all. I actually agree with it totally. I would be willing to move for the right person. To his state? Not my first choice, but I could live there.

Did I mention this guy is a friend's brother? Yeah, he is. BUT me & his sis are super tight. I think if all came down to it, as flighty as I seem, I would never hurt him. Also, I'm down for the one day at a time.

Ive kind of let Mohawk go. It's not his fault. It's my own. I blame me. I blame the lame in me for wanting someone who is established. I'm not, so I need someone who can lead me & keep me on track. Opposites attract & maybe he and I cant live in the sky together in my world. I need someone to hold my string and pull me back down when Ive been up there too long.

Work has been a lot easier. I have been resting & doing the things I should be doing. I started meditating. It's hard to push the outside noise out sometimes. I find it a lot easier to do when I'm home alone. (cant wait to move reference) K has been gone a lot lately. She's about to Grad. So, there will be pandemonium this weekend. Not too much for me though. I am still cleansing. I am doing well with that too.

Ive been controlling the things that I put in my body. Mindful of what may come out...lol I have tonight off from my other job. I cannot wait. I have to go pick some things up after work but I am going to definitely do my to do list tonight. I have to. I might have more later. I'm not sure. Nothing interesting is going on my way. Got more work on the desk though. I must tend to it.

Peace. Someone should leave comments. I would like to blabber back & forth. If I visit your blog Ill do the same.

Mia write more blogs, whore!

Also, buy your kids "The Red Balloon". It is a classic.

SUPER rested...

Well, I had a good holiday weekend. As promised it was a lot of crazy stuff happening. I opted to hang with Med-School for most of it. He's super low-key. Doesn't cause me a lot of fuss & drinks like a fish.

Friday: Left work. Went home. Took a nap. Met Med-School & his buddies at a local watering hole. Asked some random guy if he was on drugs. He said no. I said well, you look like it so you probably should go home. He agreed and left. Went to Med-School's friends house. Drank more & decided to call it a night.

Saturday: I was supposed to go apartment hunting. Med-School & I rode around. I went to get a burger & he was supposed to be ready when I returned. Of course he was sleep. Made him wake up & we went to get things to bbq. Went to his friends house & I got Rox and we chilled outside & bbq'd. Stayed there longer than intended waiting for my grilled Salmon. Went home, got ready to go to Layla. Should have stayed with first mind and passed out. Absolute fuckery. Got stalked by a girl who insists I never speak to her. Realized that she has to be on heavy drugs because we have the same conversation every time I see her. Left Layla before it was over, went home, smoked a clove & finished watching 'Lord of the Flies'.

Sunday: Slept til about noon. Man, I needed that. Got my stuff ready & went to Syleena's. Invited Rafi. We all chilled & drank. Ate lots & lots of food. I'm not exaggerating. Took a nap. Woke up. Ate again. Had Med-School & his boy over for a bit. They cleaned up for us & I told them I might go out with them later. Talked to S a little longer then I dipped. We did good for first time grillers. Note to self: Buy electric grill. Went home, texted a few people, and took a shower. I decided to just take some Benedryl & call it a night. I wanted to enjoy my last day of undisturbed sleep.

Monday: Woke up on a cleaning spree. Cleaned the kitchen and living area. Cleaned my room as well. Seasoned some chicken breasts to eat this week. Watched the Cosby show and decided I cant even watch that shit anymore. Decided to nap before work. Couldn't sleep. Woke up & got ready for work. Went to Luxe & pretty much read a whole book. Talked with my boss for awhile. Picked up another day at work. Doubling everyday except Wednesday this week. Figures this will keep my mind off not getting laid. Went home. Made some baked chicken with spinach. Read up as much as I could on cleansing. I previously bought a cleanser kit from my local Whole Foods market. Decided to take the pills and just do it. Went to sleep.

That leaves me right at this very moment. Let me say cleansing is very interesting. Must be careful what you eat. It returns. That's enough detail. I'm gonna make some broth soups tonight with a few veggies in them. It's important to stay organic by the way. I guess I'll be back later. Got a stack on my desk I need to handle.

Always in the Middle but I Was Born Last

So, I am going through my usual. Dog woke me up an hour earlier than planned. I can sense when my dog is sick. I just read her all too well. She gets weird. I don't know if you guys have animals but when they are sick they don't want you to see them. They try to hide. Well, I don't let her hide. So, I was basically up with her & missed a vital hour of sleep that cut me to three hours total last night. One.

Then my allergies (I was outside too long yesterday) started in. I have got to get a hold of some Benedryl today & a nap. I got to work & there's endless things that I have to do. No Biggie. One issue: I cant go fast. My brain is not functioning. It's just not. Two.

Them: This is urgent.

Me: I know.

Them: Hurry up.

Me: (insert cheesy smile)

I think I want to move back to Memphis but every time I think about it, I cant help but think I'm digressing. It could be me just having a reactionary to a lot of things about to happen in my life. (A) turning 25. I'm totally not scared of it but its happening. I feel a serious nervous breakdown coming on. (B) The Pursuit of Happyness. Whatever that is to me. I'm still trying to figure that out. (C) Where I fit in the scheme of big business. I'm not sure if I do.

I saw Big last night & realized I have a serious eye contact problem. I don't. I don't want to look into people's souls all the time. Its a gift I realized that I had a long time ago. I look at you & I 'see' you. Scary what I see sometimes.

I did speak.

My heart did flutter.

I ignored the feeling.

Back to self.

I met a guy. Don't remember his name. (As usual) We had a really nice conversation about all the things that guys never ask me or care to know. I think he was intrigued to say the least.

Mohawk: Whats your favorite movie?

Me: She's Gotta Have It. Spike Lee.

Mohawk: (walks off & mutters something inaudible)

Me: What? (smiling)

He was just different. It's something about me that keeps attracting these free spirits. People who live their lives to full extent everyday. People who keep telling me just to jump ship & to not be afraid. He does music. He wants to go to the park with me.

Mohawk: You seem like one of those people that I can hang out with & have no idea where we would end up or never know what to talk about but talks about everything.

Me: Yeah, that's me. Pretty random. That's what scares people about me.

Mohawk: That's what I like.

He hasn't exactly called me but I do have a feeling that he will. He was trying to figure my free time since I technically work at three places right now. We will see. Whats his name?

So, every time I say I'm leaving I stay & every time I stay I feel more trapped. I have got to free myself. My sunshine is blocked right now. That has always been an issue for me. If everything in my life is not in line for happiness, I lose it. This is just not where I'm supposed to be. Some people cope. Some people settle.

I never was quite like anyone else.