Fresh...

Yesterday...I cut the perm that was left in my hair. It wasnt much. I have been growing my hair out. I wanted to start new. So, of course its short. I felt really weird about it at first. I woke up this morning & I'm like, wow. You can see my face. I can see my face. There is nothing for me to hide behind. I am all natural. I miss touching my scalp. I did have to buy bandaids to hide my neck piercing for work. It's not like a nose ring or anything. It's a major statement.

Maybe it will be easier to read me.

I told Big to just leave me alone. I meant it this time. He's so useless. He takes up space in my life in more ways than one. I don't want him in that orifice of my heart. He should just keep out.

I told my girl the other day that I was starting into the brink of loneliness. Funny part is I'm just waiting for someone to knock me off my feet. To sweep me. I haven't felt like that in a really long time. I believe that is what I miss the most: Intimacy.

I have still been taking my Vitamins & Supplements. My skin, hair, & nails are reaping the benefits of that. I made it through my first week of no meat. My test is always the weekend. I went to Brunch Sunday with S. I opened up this container on the table & there it was...Bacon. I love Bacon more than Chicken...LOL. I closed it so fast. If I stared at it too long I would for sure pick some up.

I haven't worked out in a few days but I am going today. So, the girl I entertained briefly told me that I "Suck at Life"...LOL. I'm like, Ok, I deserve that I guess.

Girl: "So, I guess you didn't like me, huh?"

Me: "Yeah, you're nice. I just have a hard time with my follow through. I told you that, but you CAN call me." (In retrospect that does sound pretty shitty)

Girl: "Boooo...you suck at life."

Me: "Yeah, I guess I deserve that."

Girl: "Yeah, you do."

Me: "Ok, babe."

The End.

Now, a "normal" person would have apologized or tried to explain, or rather lie, & make up an excuse. Me I was content with adding another person to the "Resent Me" list. She will be ok. She's young. She shall move forward.

I do feel that sometimes I don't let people like me. It will just take someone very STRONG to claim me. Some one out there wont let me cower and run away. In the mean time I continue to sleep alone.

I'm going to Memphis next weekend. I am happy about that. I get to go home & lay in my Mother's lap. Yes, I still do that. It's just something about her love that makes me feel whole. Probably because it's the only case of unconditional love that I know. I always wonder could I love another person like that. That deep. That meaningful.

I am going to see J when I'm there. I have to satisfy my curiosity question. He thinks that he loves me. I think that there is no way that he could. We barely even talked to each other in High School. As a matter of fact I dated his Ace...lol. I also have to see my best friends baby. My Mother keeps her so I don't have to make an appointment for that.

Well, peeps, just wanted to update you on what Ive been busy doing. I will post a pic of my hair tonight. I feel so strong. I am a woman.